i've said everything in this song.. that's not my name!!

two dozen.

so, my birthday is coming up... the big 2-4. two dozen years old. yikes. also on my beeday alaina departs for jolly old europe. im so excited for her, (HAVE A GREAT TIME ALAINA, ITS GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!)

i dont know if jason has anything in mind for my birthday, hes been working nights for the last week and a half, and i think its starting to melt his brain.. literally. tonight we had to drop off his work-truck and pick up some rolliecart thing, and his boss said he looked wrecked. but anyway what i was getting at is that i dont think hes had much time to think about what hes going to do. i had told him that i thought it would be nice to rent a cottage and have a nice romantic weekend away, but that is a no go. i think we're going to go camping instead. 

we bought a new tent this year so hopefully there will be room for our shoes in the tent this year, and a bigger air mattress. seriously, last year was ridiculous.. both of us fighting over space on a single air mattress. jokes. 

"year one" comes out friday and id like to go see that, hopefully that gets worked in somewhere this weekend. fingers crossed.

also a gardening update: jason and i are the proud owners of the following plants (and so far they're all doing fabulous.. despite the crap ball saint john weather.. that has actually been half nice lately) :: one basil plant, one dill plant, one rosemary plant, one italian parsley plant, two tiny tim tomato plants, one hot pepper plant, one cucumber bush, and one strawberry plant - that is doing quite well may i add. 

thats all ive got, kind of an all over the place blog i know.. but its better than nothing. 

domestic diva.

so my job search is going, with little to no response from the employers of this fog ridden city, so to help keep me busy while jason is working nights, i decided to try to recreate his grandmothers "monster cookies". 

i didnt realize it while i was writing out the recipe, that the batch i was making would be enough to feed an entire army for 6 years. 

despite the mass quantity they turned out great. yumm.

reporting live...

... from saint john, new brunswick.

so i made it, in one piece.. 

the move itself wasnt too too bad all things considered. we did the drive over two days which is hands down much less stressful then trying to do it all at once. 

we stopped in cornwall for the night at a very nice place, and then took off through quebec early the next day. Denis (my car) rolled over 200,000km just outside saint louis de haha... the name of that town still cracks me up, and ive been by it many times now. 

the following is a list of wildlife i had the pleasure to see as we sped along the highway: 8 deer, 1 moose, 1 hawk, 1 beaver, 2 cats, 1 dead groundhog, 1 live groundhog, 1 dead turtle, several cows, several horses.. by far the moose was the most exciting. yay!

also when were in quebec we had to stop so i could pee, and jason and my dad were telling me that some poor man in the bathroom was having a 'bad time' in the stall, and that he had some wet gas.. eewww.

we're finally settled into the apartment, and jason got the news that he's going to be working nights, working to refurbish a sobeys store.. GREAT, not. 

im steadily looking for jobs, and hope that something comes along soon. 

well i guess this update is lacking, but its better than nothing. 

so until im creative..

over and out blog-o-sphere. 

up, then down.

so, 

thankfully, things worked themselves out between jason and myself. 

the love is still burning strong. 

i feel that if you have enough love, thats all you need. and apparently we have enough. 

yay. 

after that happy news, im sad to report that we had to put down buddy today. what a great kitty he was. i swear he was part greyhound, and was at least two feet tall, which is tall for a cat. we just couldnt see him suffer anymore. we dont really know what happened to the poor little guy, but he must have caught something that made his body shut down. it happened really fast too, he lost a bunch of weight, and couldnt get his red blood cell count up. this morning he was laying on the couch with me, and his breathing was short little gasps. it was painful to watch him suffer like that, so it was time. 

ill miss you little guy, you were the best cat a girl could ever ask for. rest in peace little bud bud. 

gut wrenching sadness.

yesterday the sky started to fall. 

im so sad, i dont even know where to begin. 

the man i love says he no longer feels the same way. 

i was supposed to move across the country to be with him in four days. 

im not going anymore. 

im so sad, 

how could everything i was ever sure about be so totally wrong? 

who can talk sense into the man that i love so utterly deeply??

what am i going to do with myself?

how am i going to find the strength to re-tell the story time and time again as people wonder why im still here?

more importantly, what am i going to do with myself? 

how am i going to hold back the tears as my heart breaks time and time again?

how do i stop the burning pain in my chest?

how do i sleep the entire night, and not lie there in total shock quivering with tears?

i love him. 

i love him so much. 

i still love him even though he made me feel like this.

am i stupid for feeling this way?

i love him.. 

i love him.

ranting and raving.

snapshot of my annoyances. 

current time: 2:31am 

- man, or men outside screaming at the tops of their lungs. and im not sitting here in silence. the tv is on, obviously im clicking away on the keyboard. and i can still hear him crying out.. for what? im not sure. 

daily

- 90 thousand sirens of all sorts at all times. most likely responding to all sorts of different calls. from my window i can see at least 10 other high-rise buildings, and that is without craning my neck to see the others. a butt load of people rock it hard in the ghetto.. every once and a while you get to see some kind of show, its normally an apartment fire, which is intense to watch.

normal business hours

- continuos tapping, hammering like sounds. we've lived in this apartment for going on two years, and we still dont completely know what the noises are. we have become informed that the people below us are architect students at ryehigh... but it still sounds like its coming from upstairs.. how they could continually be upgrading their apartment for over two years without being finished is mind boggling. 

tv

- the shitty show called "keys to the vip". lamest show ever. i should change the station.